Back when I was in Payson High School, roaming those halls and generally raising hell, my partner in crime Jayden Worwood and I wrote satirical columns each month for the student newspaper. We were the driving genius behind the paper, and through our efforts, the paper won awards for best design and content two years in a row at the UVU Journalism Conference.
Anyways, I was perusing these old columns and couldn't help but share snippets (and a few entire ones) online. Absolute gold is contained in these musings on life, love, and everything else. If you don't heartily laugh at least once while reading these, something is wrong and you should probably consult your doctor. Without further ado, I present to you, the high school musings of my twisted and over-caffeinated mind.
Appearing in the October 2011 edition of The Lion's Roar, Jayden and I mused on the fact that you need to earn your Halloween candy.
"In this day and age, the general multitude of society believes that candy should be granted to them upon simple, arbitrary guidelines, such as dressing like a fool, on the day known as Halloween. These mundane beliefs, while wildly profitable, are deplorable excuses for receiving candy. My esteemed colleague and I firmly decree that the acquisition of such delightsome sweets should be based upon the quality and effort one puts into their Halloween character. For example, if one is to pose as Darth Vader while wishing to be granted candy, that person must personify the traits of Darth Vader. They must be in full authentic garb, looking as if they have stepped off the silver screen into real life. The actual mannerisms and idiosyncrasies of Darth Vader must be perfectly portrayed and leave no doubt as to the sincerity and passion the trick or treater holds for the character. Only when this level on genuineness is achieved should candy be given to a humble and gracious individual.
"On that same note, the candy given should be comparable to the effort given by the trick or treater. If a feeble portrayal is given, then the reward should be a firm, emphatic "BOO!" Candy is not something to be bandied about like superior test scores amongst peers, unless the candy has been hard-earned.
"For too long has the majority of the trick or treating world labored under the false assumption that mediocre costumes and Halloween spirit is all that's required for candy to be gained. Now is the time to lead a revolution in the Halloween world and ensure that a higher degree of festive spirit is embodied amongst trick or treaters. No longer should our souls stand witness to the generic and rehashed hoopla that has become the modern Halloween season.
"Ensuring the high quality of Halloween spirit rests upon your shoulders. One or two men alone cannot make a difference in changing the ingrained template of classic trick or treating. We must yoke ourselves to the wagon of true Halloween spirit and pioneer new territory in the land of celebration. The bar has been raised - see to it that our grand expectations are met."
Wow. It sounds as if Jayden and I had quite the axe to grind....or maybe, we were just looking for a good topic to shoot the bull on. I think it was the latter.
February is always a tough month for me. I've never had a girlfriend during the month, so Valentine's Day has always been spent chilling on my couch without pants, as I am wont to do when I have free time. Well, my angst towards Valentine's Day shows up greatly in this first of two angst-filled rants. The other one will be posted later.
Love, Lust, and Lies - By Jayden Worwood and Spencer Durrant
"Love is like a ferocious beast, a lordly lion that cannot be tamed. Love is a wandering road that meanders through the fields of life, taking prisoners and killing the hopes of people everywhere without the slightest regard for human happiness. Even though love can be a tumultuous sea of uncharted emotions, it can lead to you paradise. Let this be your roadmap to success on the highway of love.
[Large rant on the unfairness of the friendzone summarized/99% of it redacted]
"The road to a successful relationship is not without its dead ends. The most infamous and complex of these abrupt halts in your progress is none other than the dreaded friend zone.
"The worst hazard is when you lay your eyes on a fair maiden, and finally decide to approach and seduce here, only to find that another knight in shining armor is already approaching on his noble steed. Then starts the greatest race; whose steed is fastest and whose sword is sharpest.
"Unfortunately, genetics plays a large part in the amount of victories a knight can have. Unless you are saddled with an embarrassing amount of money and a good doctor, there is now way to fix this problem. You will have to rely on other aspects of your personality to attract that maiden.
"If you have successfully avoided the obstacles, now you have to find the right path to travel on. This is not an easy act; reading the signs a girl leaves for you is nearly impossible. It takes a cunning and guile that few men possess. Most men don't notice the sings and proceed along undeterred in their dogged determination to find love and happiness only to run into woe and misery.
"Girls have developed a method to leave signs for men that cannot be deciphered. Girls will do something which in their mind, is an obvious statement of attraction toward the given male. However, the male will not be able to interpret the sign, and may even take offense. Assume anything displaced from the usual mannerisms of the girl is a sign that she may like you. Remember, with girls, nothing is 100% sure. The best way to read a sign is to find a woman to read it for you.
"The road of love is a hard one, and we may find our good names besmirched along the way, due to embarrassing moments. However, the end of the road is rich and rewarding. Love is worth it, dear friends. Persevere to the end. The bar has been raised - see to it that our grand expectations are met. "
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Supporting The Doctrine But Not The Church - Is It Possible?
Something's been on my mind quite a lot recently, and I thought that now would be a good time to share it. With all the fanfare that gay marriage has caused in headlines in recent weeks, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has gotten itself roped into the debate, as was inevitable. For an institution set so strongly against gay marriage, this firestorm of media attention and criticism was seen coming a long ways off.
The same thing happened to the Catholic church when contraception was included in healthcare coverage, and Catholic institutions didn't want to foot the bill for something that they viewed as morally wrong. The great thing about America is the ability to exercise religious freedom.
Now, I don't want to get into the debate of whether or not the LDS church, or any other church opposing homosexual marriages, is being discriminatory. That's a whole can of worms I don't feel like discussing today.
What I want to discuss is the conundrum that's arisen, especially in ultra-conservative Utah, among the Mormons who currently find themselves at odds with the church's stance on gay marriage.
Quite a few members of the LDS faith have now decided that they support homosexual people having the right to marry. According to an article by Neil J. Young for slate.com, a poll conducted by BYU in 2012 found that only 29 percent of Utah residents oppose gays having the right to get married, down from 54 percent in 2004.
With Utah being the home of the LDS church, and the state's population dominantly Mormon, this is an interesting revelation, if you'll pardon the use of that word. The vast majority of church members seem to go against the repeated urges and wishes of LDS hierarchy. This brings us to the main point of this post - is it possible to support the doctrine of the LDS church, but not the church itself?
In his article, Young proposes that the Mormon church is facing another crisis like the one in the 1970s, when supporters of the Equal Rights Amendment directly opposed the statements of then-president of the church Spencer W. Kimball. Church members who supported the ERA were dealt with in a severe manner because they opposed Kimball's prophetic role, says Young.
Which brings us to the real meat of this matter - does supporting the right for gays to marry mean that you, as a member of the LDS faith, don't support the president of the church, who is believed by Mormons to be a prophet like Moses on the Earth today? The president of the church will always reiterate what is set in stone as doctrine for the church. Current doctrine states that acting on homosexual feelings is a sin, which means that church members who support the rights of gays are at odds with what is purported by the church. Having homosexual feelings isn't a sin in and of itself, but performing homosexual acts is considered sinful by the church.
But there's a subtle difference here a lot of people are missing - supporting the rights of gays to get married doesn't mean that a person supports homosexuality. Rather, it means those who vote for gay rights believe that people should have the agency (a key component of Mormon doctrine) to make choices for themselves, without being restricted by laws that can be seen as oppressive.
In this sense, the Mormon church is almost contradicting itself. Yes, they believe the family to be the central unit of society, and Mormons adhere to the belief that true salvation can only come after a man and woman are sealed to each other for eternity in a temple. Obviously, this fundamental doctrine prohibits homosexuals from achieving the church's view of what true salvation is. But on the other hand of this argument lies something quite a few people don't consider when they form an opinion on gay marriage.
Jesus taught to love everyone, even as He loved us. He spent his time ministering not to the rich and the powerful, but to the lepers, the poor and meek and lowly of heart. Christ taught a gospel of love and He showed the ultimate sacrifice of love by dying on the cross for the sins of all mankind.
Loving someone is possible without loving the sins that they commit. We all sin, but we still find ways to love those closest to our hearts. My belief in God tells me that He loves us all, regardless of the many things we do wrong on a daily basis.
So does this attitude of love mean that people, specifically LDS members, have to support things that they might not necessarily agree with? Gay marriage will always be a controversial issue, but should those church members who support the rights of gays to marry feel as if they're going against what their prophet is saying?
My answer to that is no. The LDS church is an organization ran by men. Men are imperfect and prone to make mistakes. Therefore, contradictory to a largely held belief in Utah, the church is not a perfect institution. It's entirely possible that the church has, and will continue to make mistakes. The recent essay about giving blacks the priesthood is a perfect illustration of this.
For this reason alone, it's entirely possible to support the doctrine of the church, a doctrine of love and understanding, and not support the church as an organization in regards to moral matters that somehow find their way into the political arena.
Realizing that there's a distinction between the LDS church and the LDS gospel is imperative. The church is not the gospel, and the gospel is not the church. The church exists in order to help the gospel achieve it's goal of bringing all men unto salvation. The two are completely separate entities that have become synonymous in the minds of far too many LDS members.
Supporting the doctrine separately from the public stance of the church doesn't make you less of a member - it just means that you're standing up for what you believe in.
The same thing happened to the Catholic church when contraception was included in healthcare coverage, and Catholic institutions didn't want to foot the bill for something that they viewed as morally wrong. The great thing about America is the ability to exercise religious freedom.
Now, I don't want to get into the debate of whether or not the LDS church, or any other church opposing homosexual marriages, is being discriminatory. That's a whole can of worms I don't feel like discussing today.
What I want to discuss is the conundrum that's arisen, especially in ultra-conservative Utah, among the Mormons who currently find themselves at odds with the church's stance on gay marriage.
Quite a few members of the LDS faith have now decided that they support homosexual people having the right to marry. According to an article by Neil J. Young for slate.com, a poll conducted by BYU in 2012 found that only 29 percent of Utah residents oppose gays having the right to get married, down from 54 percent in 2004.
With Utah being the home of the LDS church, and the state's population dominantly Mormon, this is an interesting revelation, if you'll pardon the use of that word. The vast majority of church members seem to go against the repeated urges and wishes of LDS hierarchy. This brings us to the main point of this post - is it possible to support the doctrine of the LDS church, but not the church itself?
In his article, Young proposes that the Mormon church is facing another crisis like the one in the 1970s, when supporters of the Equal Rights Amendment directly opposed the statements of then-president of the church Spencer W. Kimball. Church members who supported the ERA were dealt with in a severe manner because they opposed Kimball's prophetic role, says Young.
Which brings us to the real meat of this matter - does supporting the right for gays to marry mean that you, as a member of the LDS faith, don't support the president of the church, who is believed by Mormons to be a prophet like Moses on the Earth today? The president of the church will always reiterate what is set in stone as doctrine for the church. Current doctrine states that acting on homosexual feelings is a sin, which means that church members who support the rights of gays are at odds with what is purported by the church. Having homosexual feelings isn't a sin in and of itself, but performing homosexual acts is considered sinful by the church.
But there's a subtle difference here a lot of people are missing - supporting the rights of gays to get married doesn't mean that a person supports homosexuality. Rather, it means those who vote for gay rights believe that people should have the agency (a key component of Mormon doctrine) to make choices for themselves, without being restricted by laws that can be seen as oppressive.
In this sense, the Mormon church is almost contradicting itself. Yes, they believe the family to be the central unit of society, and Mormons adhere to the belief that true salvation can only come after a man and woman are sealed to each other for eternity in a temple. Obviously, this fundamental doctrine prohibits homosexuals from achieving the church's view of what true salvation is. But on the other hand of this argument lies something quite a few people don't consider when they form an opinion on gay marriage.
Jesus taught to love everyone, even as He loved us. He spent his time ministering not to the rich and the powerful, but to the lepers, the poor and meek and lowly of heart. Christ taught a gospel of love and He showed the ultimate sacrifice of love by dying on the cross for the sins of all mankind.
Loving someone is possible without loving the sins that they commit. We all sin, but we still find ways to love those closest to our hearts. My belief in God tells me that He loves us all, regardless of the many things we do wrong on a daily basis.
So does this attitude of love mean that people, specifically LDS members, have to support things that they might not necessarily agree with? Gay marriage will always be a controversial issue, but should those church members who support the rights of gays to marry feel as if they're going against what their prophet is saying?
My answer to that is no. The LDS church is an organization ran by men. Men are imperfect and prone to make mistakes. Therefore, contradictory to a largely held belief in Utah, the church is not a perfect institution. It's entirely possible that the church has, and will continue to make mistakes. The recent essay about giving blacks the priesthood is a perfect illustration of this.
For this reason alone, it's entirely possible to support the doctrine of the church, a doctrine of love and understanding, and not support the church as an organization in regards to moral matters that somehow find their way into the political arena.
Realizing that there's a distinction between the LDS church and the LDS gospel is imperative. The church is not the gospel, and the gospel is not the church. The church exists in order to help the gospel achieve it's goal of bringing all men unto salvation. The two are completely separate entities that have become synonymous in the minds of far too many LDS members.
Supporting the doctrine separately from the public stance of the church doesn't make you less of a member - it just means that you're standing up for what you believe in.
Friday, November 22, 2013
The Challenges Of Returning Early From An LDS Mission
Serving an LDS mission is an incredible thing. It’s life changing. But it’s also the hardest thing a young man could ever dream of doing.
On August 19th, 2013, I was sitting in LaGuardia Airport, reading Sports Illustrated and glancing up at the TVs playing CNN, alone by myself for the first time in nearly two and a half months. I was returning home from an LDS mission in New York City - but instead of being excited, I was nervous. I was almost more nervous to go home than I was to leave for New York in the first place.
August 19th was a Monday, and I’d made the decision to go back home the previous Wednesday. The choice to go home wasn’t an easy one by any means, but even as I write this, I still feel as if it was the right choice to make. So why was I feeling so nervous to return home, if going home was something that I felt was right for me to do?
Well, I’d grown up in Utah.
Growing up in Utah has a lot of perks - the fishing, hunting, camping, and outdoors opportunities are second to none. I spent the first 18 years of my life running around in the mountains and canyons of Utah, chasing big fish and sleeping under the stars more often than in my own bed during the summer. I guess you could say I really had the quintessential childhood.
But there’s another part of my childhood that had tremendous influence on my growing-up years. I grew up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and for as long as I can remember, plans had always been made for me to serve a two-year mission once I turned 19. When the age limit to serve was lowered to 18 in October of 2012, the pressure to go and serve mounted even higher. All my friends were busy filling out their papers, and they all had one thing in common that I didn’t share with them - an excitement to go and be a missionary for the LDS church.
In the predominantly LDS culture of Utah, especially southern Utah County where I live, the pressure to serve a mission is heaped on a young man from the moment he’s first old enough to comprehend what a mission is - although, a mission is something that’s completely incomprehensible until a person actually experiences it for themselves. While I do think that the culture of Utah and the expectations that are placed on young men and young women are unfair, and sometimes do more harm than good, that’s just how life is here. I’m sure that in other areas of the world with a high concentration of people who share the same religious beliefs, these problems are manifest as well. This isn’t a unique experience limited only to Mormons in Utah.
The point is, though, that I felt immense pressure to go and serve. I can remember people asking me when I was as young as nine years old where I wanted to serve a mission. In primary church classes (I was between eight and 12 years old when I attended these), we’d sing songs about growing up and going to serve. Young women are told to only seriously consider marrying men that are return missionaries. Sometimes, serving a mission began to feel less like a choice and more like a duty that I felt I was shoehorned into accepting.
Even with all the pressures and expectations, mission service shouldn’t ever be a barometer for a person’s worth, and neither should church attendance or anything else of that nature.
I left to serve in the New York New York South Mission, Spanish speaking, on June 26th, 2013, and came home on August 19th, 2013. I was gone nearly two and a half months, trying my best to serve and be the picture-perfect missionary I knew my parents wanted me to be. But therein lay my biggest challenge - I wasn’t there for myself. Not one part of my wanted to be on a mission, especially at 18 years old and literally one month removed from high school.
So why was I there?
I’d gone on a mission because I knew my parents wanted me to. My friends wanted me to. My girlfriend at the time wanted me to. My church leaders wanted me to. I knew, somewhere deep within myself, that a mission was some sort of duty that I should probably try and fulfill, even though current president of the church Thomas S. Monson didn’t serve a mission. Even with all those people acting as a buttress for me, I still didn’t want to go and serve. Yet I still made the choice to go. I own my decision, but I know I made that choice for a host of wrong reasons.
It’s not that I didn’t think a mission was a good thing. Some of my best friends in the world are out there right now serving, and I support them wholeheartedly in their efforts. I just never saw a mission as something that I wanted to do. The thought of leaving everything behind for two years, all to just go and try to preach a gospel I wasn’t even completely sure of myself, was just too much to ask.
That leads to another encumbrance for me - I wasn’t sure how much I really believed in the gospel or the church (those two are very separate entities, by the way). My belief is still something I struggle with even now, although I’m doing much better. I was just spoon-fed the doctrine growing up, and since I spent my childhood in Utah, I never really had moments present themselves that forced me to honestly and truly question my religion. My parents believed it, my neighbors across the street believed it, my best friends believed it - that was enough for me. I ran on the borrowed light from their testimonies. This is something that’s completely my fault. I should have cared enough to take the time to study out my religious beliefs and really decide how I felt about them. Instead, I’m trying to do that now, while working two jobs and having a failed mission in my rearview mirror cloud my judgment.
Obviously, I wasn’t serving with anything close to the right intent. I thought for a while as I stayed in the Provo Missionary Training Center (a whopping 20 minute drive from my house) that maybe I’d find a desire to serve if I tried hard enough. I gave it my all, but for the two and a half months I spent as a missionary, I never found a willingness in myself to serve.
As I went through my mission experiences, I’d watch all my companions and other missionaries. They all had one thing in common that I didn’t share with them - a desire to be there. Sure, they got down at times. They realized it was tough. They complained. But giving up wasn’t ever an option for them. Seeing all these other people happy to be where they were made me really question myself, and that led to some serious depression problems.
On top of feeling inadequate, I had some problems going on at home. I got a letter from my eight year old little brother, detailing all the problems that were going on. I felt guilty that I was gone, instead of being at home and watching out for my siblings. That feeling of guilt just added to my depressed feelings of inadequacy.
Then, I received a letter from the girl that I’d left behind - basically it was the Dear John letter that every missionary who left a girl behind is scared to death of receiving. That letter was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I went back to my apartment in Mineola, New York, right outside of Queens, that night and I just cried like a baby. I felt as if every last thing in my life was crashing down around me. My parents were fighting, I didn’t want to be a missionary, my girlfriend had cheated on me, I couldn’t learn Spanish to save my life, and I was just a miserable wreck.
That night, I was so depressed, I nearly took my own life. Something stopped me, and to this day I’m still not sure what that was. I realized, though, that I needed help. Feelings of suicide are not natural and need to be dealt with before terrible things happens. I’m lucky that I have a second chance to fix my life, and maybe even help someone else.
So I called my mission president and made the arrangements to come home and go to therapy and get on medication to help me fight my depression. The interesting thing is, though, I’m not alone in the reason for my return home. According to a study done by Utah Valley University professor Kris Doty, more than half of all missionaries who return home early do so due to depression and anxiety issues.
I came home not because I wasn’t “worthy” to be a missionary, not because I did something that merited sending me home, but because I had legitimate problems that needed immediate help. So why do I still have feelings of inadequacy to this day, nearly three months after I’ve returned home? Once again, I’m not alone in my feelings about this - 73% of missionaries who come home early have feelings of inadequacy, regardless of why they came home. Once again, that data was provided by the study conducted by Doty.
So where do these feelings of inadequacy come from? What causes them? Why is mission service such a huge factor in the lives of young LDS men?
Well, that’s because the people that have gone and served a mission know what it can do for a young man’s life, and they want their sons to experience the same things. Yes, the pressure to serve is a cultural thing, but it’s also viewed as a sort of ‘rite of passage.’ Failing to fulfill that rite of passage, to live up to the expectations of everyone around you, is probably the predominant factor in early return missionaries feeling inadequate.
I don’t have any reason to feel inadequate about myself. I’m currently a feature writer for the Utah Jazz, a content manager for an SEO company in American Fork, and I drive a Camaro. I have plenty of things to be happy about in my life, but I still feel as if I’m less of a person sometimes. I went and saw The Saratov Approach, an absolutely incredible movie depicting the tale of two missionaries who are kidnapped in Russia. They endure their kidnapping, escape through their faith in God, and both of them ended up staying and finishing the two years of their missions. Stories like that, of perseverance through hard times, also add to the feelings of, “I’m not good enough” that I know so many early return missionaries feel. If two missionaries can get kidnapped but still stay out in the field, who am I to come home because of my petty problems?
The thing that I’ve learned, and that I hope other early return missionaries have learned as well, is that maybe by coming home early, God’s showing you that he has a different plan in store for you. Maybe your mission is to help others in different ways that you couldn’t quite do as a full-time missionary.
At the end of the day, though, I’m the only one that can change the way I feel. I have control over my own emotions, and I have the choice to feel whatever way I choose to feel; but the judgments of others still hurt. I just wish people could understand what a missionary who comes home early goes though.
You come home, and you go to church that first week, and you just want to die inside. I know I did. My bishop asked me to bless the sacrament that first Sunday, to help dispel any rumors as to why I returned. As I sat there on the stand and looked out over the congregation, I could feel everyone’s stares and I could just about hear exactly what they were thinking. “Why is he back? Didn’t he leave?”
And I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what could be said in order to explain why I came home. All I knew was that people were already casting aspersions on me, as people will do no matter the circumstances. But in my case, and the case of every single missionary who’s come home early, those aspersions on character are completely unwarranted. Yeah, if a missionary came home because he wasn’t what’s considered worthy to serve, obviously he’s going to have a few things to work out between himself and God, if he so chooses. But the very fact that he confessed, came home, and is trying to do his best, is honestly just as, if not more, admirable than serving a full-time mission.
At the end of the day, there’s no difference between a kid that served a mission and a kid that didn’t. If you subscribe a belief in a God, in a heavenly father, then you accept the fact that we’re all God’s children. If that’s the case, as it is for most people in Utah, then loving everyone in that fashion is imperative. I’m terrible at it. I’m probably one of the most judgmental people in the world, but these experiences in my life lately have humbled me beyond words. I strive every day to accept everyone else, because I know that’s what I need the most in my life. And every other early return missionary needs that too. They need acceptance, help, support, and above all, they need love. They need to know that even though they may have “screwed up” by coming home, they can still take life by the reigns and live an honorable existence.
The greatest service that could be done to early return missionaries is to change the entire perception of missions in Utah’s culture. Instead of viewing them as a right of passage, a mission should be viewed as a holy, difficult, trying, incredibly extenuating calling that can do wonders for a person’s life.
But here’s the catch - I know plenty of people who never served a mission, and those people are some of the best people I’ve ever met. By that same token, some of my best friends aren’t members of the LDS church, and I strive to be like them because they set examples that should be emulated.
Church attendance, missions, all of that stuff, shouldn’t ever be a measure of someone’s worth, especially in a culture where the dominant religion emphasizes charity with unwavering force. Above all, if anyone is reading this and you’re in the same spot as me, I want to speak directly to you - you are not a failure. You’re not less of a person, and you’re not condemned for your decision to come home and live your life. You’re in command, and you can make your life what you will. Don’t let the judgments of others affect how you live your life.
In the same way that people who don’t serve a mission can’t ever truly experience how hard it is, people who never came home early can’t really understand what early return missionaries experience either. But maybe what I’ve said will help people understand; and maybe, some other kid out there in my same situation will be able to find that last shred of strength inside himself and soldier on, trying his best. That’s all anyone can truly ask for at the end of the day.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
An Easter Message
Today is Easter, and to Christians, it's an incredibly special, sacred day. As we Christians take this day to reflect on what our Savior Jesus Christ has done for us, I want to draw special attention to his teachings. Yes, this is going to be a religion themed post, but the lessons that Jesus taught his followers (as well as what Buddha, Muhammad, Martin Luther, and many other religious figures taught) are invaluable and need to be constantly in our hearts.
In the New Testament of the Bible, in John Chapter 13 verse 34, it reads, "A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you."
Here, Jesus is speaking with his disciples and explaining to them that it is of the utmost importance to have love and compassion for everyone. Did Jesus shun the Lepers? No, he healed them when none would go near them. Did Jesus pass by the woman at the well? No. Jesus is the ultimate example of love and of compassion. And no act of love has ever been greater than his sacrifice in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross for all of mankind. Remember, He suffered the pains and sorrows of every man, woman, and child that has walked and will walk this Earth, all so that we may return to Him and the Father and live in their presence forever.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons, LDS, it's the same thing) gave a talk on this very subject. His message reaches out to all Christians everywhere, not just members of his church. I've posted a video of his message, as well as the transcript if you would like to read it, in place of what I wanted to say, simply because Elder Holland says it much better. Happy Easter! Remember to love.
"Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are."--Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Here's the link to the transcript of this talk- worth reading even if you watch the video.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng
In the New Testament of the Bible, in John Chapter 13 verse 34, it reads, "A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you."
Here, Jesus is speaking with his disciples and explaining to them that it is of the utmost importance to have love and compassion for everyone. Did Jesus shun the Lepers? No, he healed them when none would go near them. Did Jesus pass by the woman at the well? No. Jesus is the ultimate example of love and of compassion. And no act of love has ever been greater than his sacrifice in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross for all of mankind. Remember, He suffered the pains and sorrows of every man, woman, and child that has walked and will walk this Earth, all so that we may return to Him and the Father and live in their presence forever.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons, LDS, it's the same thing) gave a talk on this very subject. His message reaches out to all Christians everywhere, not just members of his church. I've posted a video of his message, as well as the transcript if you would like to read it, in place of what I wanted to say, simply because Elder Holland says it much better. Happy Easter! Remember to love.
Here's the link to the transcript of this talk- worth reading even if you watch the video.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Happiness Is An Attitude
The last couple of days have been very tumultuous. I may be moving away from the place where I've grown up and spent nearly my entire life. I have friends here I've known since I was 5 years old. Leaving behind all these memories would be incredibly hard for me.
But this situation has made me stop and think for a moment: yeah, my life's gonna suck here in a few months if I move. I'm gonna be the new kid in school, the new kid at church, the new kid on the block. And me having a mullet doesn't help things much. But the point I'm trying to make with this is pretty simple: I have every excuse in the world to be sad and miserable about life. But I'm not.
I don't say that to boast or to make myself look good, I'm far from looking good (again, the mullet doesn't help). But the whole point of me having this blog is so that I can share what I've learned throughout life in the hopes that others will somehow be helped by what I have to say.
Now, a story to help make my point: I had a very disruptive childhood. I have a dysfunctional family; not my immediate family. My grandparents, aunts, and uncles on both my mom's and dad's side have their issues; depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and a lot of other really unpleasant things. Through my life, I'm close to only one cousin out of the many I have, my cousin Ben.
Needless to say, having all these negative influences in your life, especially when you're young, doesn't help much in the way of having a happy attitude. I remember growing up and looking at my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, and thinking why are they always fighting? Why are they always sad and upset? I remember how hard it was on my dad when his oldest niece, my oldest cousin, got pregnant, had her baby, then killed herself a few months later. Almost a year later, her mom, my dad's sister, died.
But the worst was when my great-grandfather died. Now, my great-grandma is the most amazing and wonderful woman to ever live on this planet. She is amazing. If I can even be half as compassionate and kind as she is, I will have achieved something great. When her husband died, it was something incredibly sad for all of us. The most perfect person I knew was now alone. Out of everyone in my family, I thought my great-grandma has the most reason to be sad after her husband's death.
Obviously, I went to the funeral. Afterwards, life got in the way and I wasn't able to go see my great-grandma for nearly 2 weeks after the funeral. When I got to her house, I was preparing myself to have her crying and sad, even though she hadn't cried much at the funeral.
When she opened the door, she gave me the biggest hug in the world and said I love you. I replied with the same hug and phrase, and then looked at her. She was smiling. She was happy. She wasn't tearing herself apart with grief, even though she had every right to do so.
This experience left me with the realization that no matter what happens to you in life, you can always be happy. Happiness truly is just an attitude. Happiness shouldn't be dependent on money, big houses, fancy cars, and luxurious vacations. If you let your happiness be dictated by the events of life you can't control, you'll be a very sad person. I know that firsthand: nearly every single one of my relatives is that way.
Back to the story: I asked my great-grandma why she wasn't sad. She simply said to me, "I know I'll see Harlan(my great-grandpa)in Heaven. He just beat me there is all."
Now, whether or not you believe in an afterlife or a God isn't any of my business. I do, and my belief in my faith gives me strength to go on through hard times. But the point of this story was simply to show that there is some good in EVERYTHING that happens. My great-grandma found the good in her situation in her belief in God and Heaven.
I've found the good in my situation, that I might be moving. I'll be able to move on to a different life, and meet new people and make new memories somewhere else. I'll miss all my old friends like crazy if I move, but I won't let not seeing them make me sad.
Happiness is an attitude. Remember that. You've got one shot at this life, don't spend it sad and upset. Spend it looking at the good in everything.
Please comment and share!.
Follow me on Twitter, @Spencer_Durrant
But this situation has made me stop and think for a moment: yeah, my life's gonna suck here in a few months if I move. I'm gonna be the new kid in school, the new kid at church, the new kid on the block. And me having a mullet doesn't help things much. But the point I'm trying to make with this is pretty simple: I have every excuse in the world to be sad and miserable about life. But I'm not.
I don't say that to boast or to make myself look good, I'm far from looking good (again, the mullet doesn't help). But the whole point of me having this blog is so that I can share what I've learned throughout life in the hopes that others will somehow be helped by what I have to say.
Now, a story to help make my point: I had a very disruptive childhood. I have a dysfunctional family; not my immediate family. My grandparents, aunts, and uncles on both my mom's and dad's side have their issues; depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and a lot of other really unpleasant things. Through my life, I'm close to only one cousin out of the many I have, my cousin Ben.
Needless to say, having all these negative influences in your life, especially when you're young, doesn't help much in the way of having a happy attitude. I remember growing up and looking at my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, and thinking why are they always fighting? Why are they always sad and upset? I remember how hard it was on my dad when his oldest niece, my oldest cousin, got pregnant, had her baby, then killed herself a few months later. Almost a year later, her mom, my dad's sister, died.
But the worst was when my great-grandfather died. Now, my great-grandma is the most amazing and wonderful woman to ever live on this planet. She is amazing. If I can even be half as compassionate and kind as she is, I will have achieved something great. When her husband died, it was something incredibly sad for all of us. The most perfect person I knew was now alone. Out of everyone in my family, I thought my great-grandma has the most reason to be sad after her husband's death.
Obviously, I went to the funeral. Afterwards, life got in the way and I wasn't able to go see my great-grandma for nearly 2 weeks after the funeral. When I got to her house, I was preparing myself to have her crying and sad, even though she hadn't cried much at the funeral.
When she opened the door, she gave me the biggest hug in the world and said I love you. I replied with the same hug and phrase, and then looked at her. She was smiling. She was happy. She wasn't tearing herself apart with grief, even though she had every right to do so.
This experience left me with the realization that no matter what happens to you in life, you can always be happy. Happiness truly is just an attitude. Happiness shouldn't be dependent on money, big houses, fancy cars, and luxurious vacations. If you let your happiness be dictated by the events of life you can't control, you'll be a very sad person. I know that firsthand: nearly every single one of my relatives is that way.
Back to the story: I asked my great-grandma why she wasn't sad. She simply said to me, "I know I'll see Harlan(my great-grandpa)in Heaven. He just beat me there is all."
Now, whether or not you believe in an afterlife or a God isn't any of my business. I do, and my belief in my faith gives me strength to go on through hard times. But the point of this story was simply to show that there is some good in EVERYTHING that happens. My great-grandma found the good in her situation in her belief in God and Heaven.
I've found the good in my situation, that I might be moving. I'll be able to move on to a different life, and meet new people and make new memories somewhere else. I'll miss all my old friends like crazy if I move, but I won't let not seeing them make me sad.
Happiness is an attitude. Remember that. You've got one shot at this life, don't spend it sad and upset. Spend it looking at the good in everything.
Please comment and share!.
Follow me on Twitter, @Spencer_Durrant
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Remember to Be, not to Do
Today has been the culmination of a really hard week for me. School has decided to rain homework on me and I've barely slept because I've been up all hours of the night working on schoolwork. And while I'm up at 1 or 2 in the morning, I start to think about things I've done in my life and things that I haven't achieved. For some reason, I've been dwelling a lot on my past failures.
Now, I go to therapy once a week, to help me remain more positive and focused on the good things in life. I don't have a problem admitting it. I know without the help of my doctor, I'd be a very depressed person. He helps me see the good, and I'm just trying to help you see the good as well.
Today during my session, I shared some of the things I'd been thinking about this past week. I talked about failures, because that's what's been mostly on my mind. I kept talking about how I thought that if I tried something, and it didn't work out the way I intended it to, then I thought of myself as a failure. As a result of thinking this, I got myself into bad way of thinking. I began thinking that if I don't try, I'd never fail, and therefore be less disappointed and upset with life.
My therapist brought up a good point once I was done talking. He said to me, everyone fails in life. It's impossible to escape failure. And by not trying, you are failing because you're cheating yourself out of opportunities.
Then he said to me, let's think of a positive way to fix your thought process; right now, you believe that if something doesn't work out the way you intended, then you're a failure. But think of it this way: if something doesn't work out the way you want, then what can I learn from this?
That struck me really hard. As of right now, I'd never really thought about what I could learn from life's trials. I always thought that not trying would just eliminate them. But in reality, it just makes them worse.
This is something everyone struggles with. I don't care who you are or where you live. We all have a problem with failing and with learning to learn.
I know that it'll be easier to ask myself what I've learned instead of dwelling on the negative of what I didn't achieve.
But a way to make sure this is easier, is another little trick of positive thinking that was shared with me today. When we think about all the negative things that have happened to us, we think of them in terms of, "this is what we couldn't do." What we don't focus on is what we can be.
This is an important concept. I'm no psychologist so I'll probably do an awful job of explaining this, but I'll try my best.
Let's say you try out for the basketball team, and you get cut. You've put in hours and hours of hard practice. Other things in life have been put on hold, and you've poured your entire heart into being on the basketball team. Then you don't make it. For whatever reason, the coach decides to cut you.
When this happened to me a few years ago, I got incredibly upset. I was absolutely fuming! I was hell to deal with and frankly, I overreacted. I was entirely focused on the do, the playing for the basketball team. I failed to realize the be in the situation. I didn't look at myself and say, well, I didn't make the team. I should have said, look at what I've become. I have become in very good shape. I've become a hard worker and I've become better at managing time, between homework and practice. A bunch of really good things have happened because I decided to put time into something, and even though it didn't work out the way I wanted it to, I've become a better, different person in the process.
Circumstances don't always work out how we want them to. Things happen in ways we can't predict. I myself believe in God, and I believe that sometimes things messing up in life is His way of saying, look, I have a different way for things to go for you, one that will be better.
If you don't believe in a God, just think of hard situations as a long road to a better place.
And always remember, focus on what you have become through all your trials, not what you weren't able to do. What you are now and what you've learned is far more important than any past failure.
Please feel free to comment!
Follow me on Twitter, @Spencer_Durrant
Now, I go to therapy once a week, to help me remain more positive and focused on the good things in life. I don't have a problem admitting it. I know without the help of my doctor, I'd be a very depressed person. He helps me see the good, and I'm just trying to help you see the good as well.
Today during my session, I shared some of the things I'd been thinking about this past week. I talked about failures, because that's what's been mostly on my mind. I kept talking about how I thought that if I tried something, and it didn't work out the way I intended it to, then I thought of myself as a failure. As a result of thinking this, I got myself into bad way of thinking. I began thinking that if I don't try, I'd never fail, and therefore be less disappointed and upset with life.
My therapist brought up a good point once I was done talking. He said to me, everyone fails in life. It's impossible to escape failure. And by not trying, you are failing because you're cheating yourself out of opportunities.
Then he said to me, let's think of a positive way to fix your thought process; right now, you believe that if something doesn't work out the way you intended, then you're a failure. But think of it this way: if something doesn't work out the way you want, then what can I learn from this?
That struck me really hard. As of right now, I'd never really thought about what I could learn from life's trials. I always thought that not trying would just eliminate them. But in reality, it just makes them worse.
This is something everyone struggles with. I don't care who you are or where you live. We all have a problem with failing and with learning to learn.
I know that it'll be easier to ask myself what I've learned instead of dwelling on the negative of what I didn't achieve.
But a way to make sure this is easier, is another little trick of positive thinking that was shared with me today. When we think about all the negative things that have happened to us, we think of them in terms of, "this is what we couldn't do." What we don't focus on is what we can be.
This is an important concept. I'm no psychologist so I'll probably do an awful job of explaining this, but I'll try my best.
Let's say you try out for the basketball team, and you get cut. You've put in hours and hours of hard practice. Other things in life have been put on hold, and you've poured your entire heart into being on the basketball team. Then you don't make it. For whatever reason, the coach decides to cut you.
When this happened to me a few years ago, I got incredibly upset. I was absolutely fuming! I was hell to deal with and frankly, I overreacted. I was entirely focused on the do, the playing for the basketball team. I failed to realize the be in the situation. I didn't look at myself and say, well, I didn't make the team. I should have said, look at what I've become. I have become in very good shape. I've become a hard worker and I've become better at managing time, between homework and practice. A bunch of really good things have happened because I decided to put time into something, and even though it didn't work out the way I wanted it to, I've become a better, different person in the process.
Circumstances don't always work out how we want them to. Things happen in ways we can't predict. I myself believe in God, and I believe that sometimes things messing up in life is His way of saying, look, I have a different way for things to go for you, one that will be better.
If you don't believe in a God, just think of hard situations as a long road to a better place.
And always remember, focus on what you have become through all your trials, not what you weren't able to do. What you are now and what you've learned is far more important than any past failure.
Please feel free to comment!
Follow me on Twitter, @Spencer_Durrant
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